Every choice we make essentially involves
following our true self or our false self. Saying “yes” to our true self
involves trust in our inner experience of God. Giving in to our false self
involves following an outer authority more than our inner teacher. St John of
the Cross followed his inner compass, composing mystical writings which depict
one’s journey to God as a stripping away of false self and desolations as much
as by experiences of joy. He was imprisoned in a dungeon for nine months, left
with only bread and water, by brothers from his own congregation. Following God’s
lead, he endured mistreatment until he died. Mary and Joseph took a similar
journey, trusting their inner experience of God, risking ridicule and
misunderstanding from those closest to them. With little outer assurance from
others that they were right, they relied on their inner sense of God. Their son, Jesus, did likewise.
My young cousin Thy passed away recently, opting
for an experimental treatment for her rare blood disease. She knew the serious
risks. Yet, she embraced them, because she wanted her young boys to have the
best chance of having a healthy mother; she wanted her husband to have the best
chance of a healthy wife. She chose life, even as her own life was slipping
away. Accompanying her in her last days left me profound gifts and graces. Among
them is this deepened sense from God: “I am here, with you, through your inner
voice. Trust me.” This sense lead me to be with my cousin and our family in the
past two weeks; this sense teaches me to grieve; this sense opens me up to an
Advent like no other, trusting in today’s psalm responsorial: “Those who follow you, Lord,
will have the light of life.”
“Today, let us take some time to let our inner voice
speak, even through our inner noise and chaos. Let’s follow its lead to God.”
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