"God is love, and whoever
remains in love remains in God and God in him. In this is love brought to
perfection among us, that we have confidence on the day of judgment because as
he is, so are we in this world." 1 Jn. 4:16-17
Our love is insufficient: How often
do we wish we could love God more? Or realize we are not able to express our
gratitude in proportion to the gifts we have received? Or that our selfishness,
however small, frustrates us from loving our parents, siblings, friends,
romantic other, or children with a completely pure heart? We may have been
blessed with that one ecstatic moment, perhaps infinitesimally short, during a
prayer when that deep longing is satiated. Or when staring into a lover’s eyes
utterly vulnerable but with complete self-forgetfulness. Or when feeling the
grasp of a tiny hand on our index finger and realizing how wondrously made we
all are. In these grace-filled moments freely given, love overwhelms us both in
its reception and our desire to reciprocate. It overwhelms us because we feel
bounded by some unidentifiable limit imposed upon us…perhaps our bodies, or
time, or space, or our shortcomings or those of others.
Our love is imperfect: If I am being
honest with myself, there are many instances when my apparent acts of love do
not originate with love but rather something I do to feed my pride and ego. The
gesture is present, but the motivation taints it. Or sometimes, I believe I can
love myself better than God can by simply choosing something that feels good
rather than something I know deep down I have been led. In these cases, I have
separated the love within me from God. I fooled myself into thinking I was the
source of love. However, since God is the source of love, my expression of it
is an imperfect copy at best and a counterfeit at worst.
Despite these constraints and human
lapses, I do desire to love authentically and as fully as I am able. The
frequent shortfalls only heighten my sensitivities to how I cannot do it myself
and that there can be no love except through God. So how can I love my family,
friends, and myself most purely? By
remaining in God first. Then love can be brought to perfection within us.
Lord God, keep me within your love,
so I may see the afflicted with your eyes, hears the voices of the suffering
with your ears, and love those you entrust to me with your heart.
Michael Jamnongjit
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