Dear Lord,
I am amazed at the way you look at
Matthew (Levi) in today’s Gospel,
calmly, peacefully, mercifully.
As Pope Francis says,
your look must have been strong and
gentle
to pierce and move his heart,
beyond his sense of being an
outcast, traitor, sinner.
Your look changed his life.
I long to be looked upon in a
similar way, yet I resist your glance.
I fear your judgment, just as I
project my own self-rejections
when I look into another’s eyes.
I see my unworthiness, smallness,
deep resistance.
There is a spirit that mutters
within: “You’re not __ enough;
You are never enough to be accepted,
forgiven, loved like that.
Look at your past mistakes and
hurts, your hypocrisy and self-reliance.
Look at your foolishness, how you
risked being seen in the past,
how people ran away, how you hid to
lick your wounds,
how you turned away even after
you’ve experienced genuine love.
Stay with the status quo; it is
easier.
Surviving is safer!”
Yet, you beckon me to follow you,
Lord.
Lately, you’re looking at me like
you never have before,
more deeply, tenderly, mercifully.
You nudge me to see people around me
likewise,
beyond appearances, beyond sin,
beyond failures and unworthiness,
beyond status and rank, beyond what
they have done or failed to do.
Jesus, Lord, Friend, Companion
help me to turn and embrace your
look.
especially when I receive the
Eucharist or go to Confession.
Draw me with your gaze and guide me
with your peace.
Heal me, free me to new life and
hope.
So I can believe that a traitor can
become a friend,
that a tax collector can become a
servant,
that a sinner can become your
beloved disciple.
So that I might look at my sisters
and brothers,
especially those who feel excluded
or abandoned,
with your tender and merciful gaze.
Help me take 5-10 minutes today,
to simply let you look at me the way
you look at Matthew.
No comments:
Post a Comment